Did Jesus Heal Marriages?

by Coach Christy
In a recent Boundaries Group we discussed the challenges we women face when we attempt to draw boundaries with our sexually addicted husbands. We felt sad that women so often experience strong resistance not only from their husbands, but also from their church community even though boundaries are healthy, important, and necessary—especially with a sex addict. But in spite of their importance, women are often told that boundaries run counter to submission. As we discussed this too-frequent reality, we realized that often Christians—though well intentioned—at times become so eager to heal a marriage they overlook the need for healing of the individuals in that marriage.

As I listened to the group members talk about their failed attempts to enlist their pastor’s or elders’ help in confronting their husband’s sexual sin, I began to wonder how Christ would respond if he still walked the Earth. And then it occurred to me that nowhere in the Bible—nowhere in all the accounts of Christ’s miracles and healings—is there even one account of Jesus healing a marriage. Not a single one. Every account of healing written in Scripture consists of Jesus and an individual or group of individuals. But nowhere is there documented a miracle involving a marriage.

That does not mean that Jesus never healed a marriage; I have no doubt He did. But I believe the emphasis on the individual, one-on-one healing experiences is very significant. Jesus was concerned with the individual. He did not wait to heal people until their spouse was present. Nor did he tell a wife to read scripture, have more faith, and be more submissive so her husband could be healed. Neither did he blame one person for another’s sin or affliction. He had compassion on each individual and healed them, just as he died for each individual.

Does this mean healing marriages isn’t important? Absolutely not. Everything we do at A Woman’s Healing Journey comes from our strong desire to try to help you save your marriage. We women love our husbands, and we recognize our marriages are sacred institutions. Yet we seek to never forget that a marriage is comprised of two individuals. Two individuals who need their own healing, and two individuals whom God holds individually responsible for their walk with him. A marriage cannot be healed unless the individuals in that marriage want, seek, and pursue their own healing.

A three-legged stool provides one picture of marriage; one leg represents the husband; another the wife; and the third, God. All three legs are necessary for the marriage to stand. If one leg breaks, the stool topples. But when sex addiction becomes a part of a marriage, two legs break because the husband’s sin breaks his wife’s heart. There can be no hope of making the stool stand again without repairing—or healing—both of the legs. And only the Master Builder can fix them. But even he cannot do it unless both legs submit to His healing process.
Where does that leave us if our husband is not presently interested in his own healing? We can act on our individual requirement to seek healing for ourselves, and we can ask God to use that process to cause our husbands to yearn for their own healing. One valuable component of that process in our lives includes Biblical boundaries. So often we learn to draw healthy, appropriate boundaries we see our husbands become willing to surrender to their own healing process. And when that happens, healing for our marriage becomes a very real possibility!

] Learn more about Boundaries Support Groups for wives of sex addicts