Through the Valley of the Shadows

Through the Valley of the Shadows...

Shared with Marsha by Kristi, a Sister on this journey

I am comforted by the well-known words in Psalm 23. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me . . ." It's interesting that the Psalmist calls it the valley of the "shadow" of death.

When I was a little girl, I remember how I would get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and sometimes be scared of shadowy shapes I saw in my room and down the hallway. I used to see "elephants" in my closet, "snakes" on the floor (dirty socks!) and I once saw a "robber with a gun" in the hallway.

Each time I cried out my dad would come see what was wrong. As soon as he turned on the light, the scary shapes were gone and I saw them for what they were. The "robber in the hall with a gun" was a laundry basket I had played with and left turned upside down with a broom handle sticking out!

Yet even as he talks about the shadow of death, the Psalmist acknowledges that there is evil in the world when he uses the phrasel "fear no evil". On this journey through a broken world filled with sexual addiction, we know there is evil. We've come face to face with it; been knocked down by it; been hurt by it. My comfort and strength is in knowing that the Light--my Heavenly Father--exposes evil for what it is, and its power begins to pale and shrivel in the powerful presence of THE LIGHT. Just as my earthy father's presence turned a robbers with a gun into a laundry basket with a broom, so too my Heavenly Father's light and presence reveals that I pass through only shadows of death on my journey here because as his daughter, I have eternal life. I will never die!

Groundbreaking Book for Wives Released

Wives Dealing with Sexual Betrayal Can Survive
Dr. Barbara Stephens and Marsha Means, M.A. have released the first chapter of their new book focusing on the trauma and post traumatic stress wives of sex addicts experience.

Sexual addiction is a growing epidemic in our society due to several factors, including a sexually saturated media. Many men (and women) act out through extra-marital affairs, prostitution, obsessive masturbation, and addiction to internet relationships and pornography.

“I felt like I had no idea who he was. Information came out slowly and there were layers upon layers of lies that he told to conceal the level of his addiction. I had no idea who my husband was and it scared me … My world that had seemed so secure, was completely falling apart,” explains one wife.

Dr. Barbara Stephens conducted pioneering research into the trauma that sexual betrayal brings to a wife. Her studies indicated that a high percentage of women suffer from trauma and post traumatic stress.

Marsha Means, M.A. is a counselor, author, and former wife of a sex addict. Over the past fifteen years she has counseled thousands of women dealing with their husband’s sexual acting out.

Now, Dr. Stephens has joined forces with Marsha Means, M.A. to author “Through A Trauma Lens: Viewing Sexual Betrayal as Trauma”. These experienced counselors provide researched insight into the devastating pain and confusing symptoms women experience when faced with this addiction.

The first chapter of “Through A Trauma Lens: Viewing Sexual Betrayal as Trauma” is available online at http://www.awomanshealingjourney.com/booksandresources/index.php. The full edition is scheduled to be released later this year.

The Joys & Gems in the Rubble of Sex Addiction


Discovering sex addiction in your marriage hurts like no other pain experienced in life. It stabs; pierces; rips; shreds; and destroys your dreams and beliefs about your most sacred bond with another human being. Yet this side of my own heartache and loss, every day of my life I am privileged to find beautiful gems in the devastation and rubble of other women’s broken lives and dreams. Each day I learn anew that the world is full of wonderful, amazing women, though many of you are temporarily out of touch with your own miraculous beauty, value, and worth.

One of my greatest pleasures in life comes from listening to women’s stories, letting them pour out the pain they are presently enduring, then walking with them for several months as I seek to guide them on their own journey toward healing, renewed belief in themselves, and a new dream for a life filled with joy and purpose, even if their husbands don't choose that path along with them.

I have the wonderful joy of helping this healing happen in loving community; in small, safe, confidential groups that grow to love you. This "family of sisters" provides the ideal community for healing the heartbreak sex addiction brings. Women "...need to be frequently reminded of who they are by those who love them," write the authors of Living from the Heart that Jesus Gave You. They "...need real, live, loving spiritual families to heal, to grow and to thrive."

And in that environment anything becomes possible--even beginning to see yourself the way I see you--the way God sees you: as a precious, beautiful, sparkling gem with incredible value and worth, no longer defined by your husband's mistakes and choices. "Once people know who they truly are and understand the power and beauty of their God-given characteristics, their passion, purpose, talents, and pain will all come together and begin to define specifically who they are," continue the authors quoted above.

I guess you could say I've become a gemologist who finds magnificent stones in the strangest of places! My prayer for you is that you will one day be able to see yourself as I see you--and as God sees you: as the beautiful, rare, valuable gem whom God has gifted with a unique story and a very special life-purpose.