A newsletter for wives of sex addicts.
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What's Inside this Month's Newsletter ...
] What do the Author of "The Shack" & Your Husband Have in Common?
] Upcoming Support Groups
] Story: 11 Years of Lies
] Will You Be Our Friend?
Marsha MeansWhat do the Author of “The Shack”& Your Husband Have
in Common?
While in the States recently for a family reunion, I spotted the
following words on the cover of a Guideposts™ magazine:
“Paul Young: ‘Why I wrote The Shack.’” I eagerly picked up the
magazine and quickly flipped to the story to discover for myself
just what had inspired Paul Young to write this little bestseller
that everyone is talking about. The story has really impacted my
life, and it left me wondering where Paul found the inspiration and
imagery that made Jesus seem so real and available in the 21st
Century.
] Continue Reading this Article at http://ping.fm/6Vg2w
Upcoming Support Groups
Partner's Healing Journey Support Group
Wednesdays
] Learn More about these Groups at http://ping.fm/Jg4KH
Wives of Same-Sex Attracted Husbands
Thursdays
] Learn More about these Groups at http://ping.fm/3JlO1
Story: 11 Years of Lies
A few months into our marriage, I woke up late one night and
noticed he had not come to bed. I got up to see if he had fallen
asleep on the couch in front of the TV, but instead I found him in
our office. He was sitting in front of the laptop ...
] Keep Reading this Story from the Wife of a Sex Addict at http://ping.fm/rHz1z
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1 comment:
To the author of "11 years of lies": I feel your pain.
I recently learned that my husband of 23 years has had a lifelong addiction to porn. He was first exposed to porn at age 10. It just escalated from there.
My advice to you, based on what I did:
1. See a competent divorce attorney to have a marital settlement agreement drafted. This is commonly referred to as a post-nuptial agreement, it specifies the division of property in the event either spouse files for divorce and is only operable on filing for divorce.
2. Find the closest Sexaholics Anonymous group. Find the closest S-anon group.
3. Find a competent counselor, someone who specializes in sexual addictions. Find a marital counselor.
4. Find an alternate place to stay and make initial preparations to leave the house with your belongings and the children.
5. Pray. Put on the whole armor of God and prepare to confront your husband in the mother of all confrontations. Understand that you will be confronting flesh, but that you will in fact be confronting the Devil himself.
6. Confront your husband, perhaps with the help of a friend, pastor, counselor. Lay out three ultimata:
First: It's me or the porn. You will stop viewing it and masturbating or I will leave and file for divorce tomorrow. You will be served by noon tomorrow if you choose to continue to engage in this behavior. Second: If you choose to give up the porn, You will sign this marital settlement agreement to protect me and the kids while you seek treatment for your addiction. This will provide me and the kids with security while you deal with the addiction. I need this as a sign of your sincerity and commitment to getting well and as a reason to spend one more precious moment of my life trying to make this marriage work. Third: You will join sexaholics anonymous. You will see a private counselor on a weekly basis. We will see a marriage counselor on a weekly basis until this addiction is under control. The decision to end treatment or suspend treatment for any period of time rests with me. If you choose to abandon your treatment at any time, I will file for divorce and the marital settlement agreement will become fully operational.
Your husband continues in the addiction simply because he can. You haven't made good on the threats. Prepare to make good on the threats. Lay down the law and be prepared to follow through. It will be difficult for you, but you MUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. I will be praying for you.
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